


2 a.m.

by hanseverse



Category: VICTON (Band)
Genre: (not really) one-sided love, Car Accident, Han Seungwoo/Kang Seungsik-Centric, Love Letters, M/M, Sad Ending, Seungsik writes letters to Seungwoo, Slow Burn, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:15:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23345341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanseverse/pseuds/hanseverse
Summary: "Tell me themoonlooks beautiful and I'll show you where Venus is, Seungwoo."
Relationships: Han Seungwoo & Kang Seungsik, Han Seungwoo/Kang Seungsik
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	2 a.m.

"Dear Seungwoo, 

Do you remember the first time we met? Maybe you do, maybe you don't, and that is okay. You were a sudent coming to Seoul to study for a few months, with some other classmates. ( _I never has the chance to meet them, just you. I hope I could see them again and keep a longer conversation with them, to be honest. Did you know them? Were them from Daegu, like you?_ )

That moment have been popping out in my head recently. Maybe because I recalled that year - maybe because I suddenly miss us being friends. I haven't figured out that, yet.

The second time we saw each other was when you decided to go out with my group of friends to have dinner. You were dressed beautifully, had your hair over your soft, brown eyes ( _Because you kept saying you looked cute. To be honest, you did, even though I compared you to Justin Bieber and his long bangs._ ) and a very eye-catching smile. Did you know that every time you smiled, everyone smiled back? You had that aura, Hyung. You had that beautiful smile, and everyone knew it. Some people were jealous, others enjoyed seeing it and lots fell in love with it. 

Everyone had curfew those days. ( _don't know if you remember, but we were in our twenties and still had curfew as if we were 15 years old._ ) I didn't have one - my dad always said that if my friends had to come back at an specific hour, I would do too. Because I wouldn't stay all alone in the street at 3 am. And he also looked as the cool dad in front of my ( _our_ ) group of friends. Things were, you also didn't have curfew. 

At one point, everyone started to go to their houses and neither you or me wanted to go home ㅡ we stayed together as if time wasn't a thing to care about, as if the sun wasn't going to show up at any minute. We talked about lots of things ㅡ your impressions about us, about Seoul, differences between the two cities. You told me you knew how to sing and even though I asked you billion times, you didn't show me. ( _I'm still angry, I must confess._ )  
Sitting in a bench and just observing the city lights while having a midnight talk never felt so good, hyung. ( _I always look for the Venus star. I did see it that night, it was beautiful._ )

After the second time we met, you going out with us wasn't unusual anymore. We made ourselves in your presence ㅡ you were one of us after a few days. You gained a spot in our lifes quickly, I have to admit. We added you to the kakao group and the first thing you said was " _should I cut my bangs?_ " (why do I remember that kind of details?). Everyone said yes, except me and Chan. You did cut your bangs, after all. ( _Chan forgave you, I still don't._ )

From now on I don't think things will be in chronological order, I'm sorry. My mind is of course better than yours, but it clearly isn't strong enough to remember everything. 

One night, Subin asked us to have a little party at his house. Everyone agreed, but I had an exam next morning, first hour ( _No one knew, but I hated being in German without any of you. Why didn't you choose German?_ ). I didn't want to go, but you knocked on my door that time as if your life depended on it. And so I opened, and your fresh aroma invaded every sense I had left in my body after all the hours studying. ( _I have to say, thank you for kicking me out of my house that night. I could have died while studying._ )  
You almost screamed at me for not being ready for the party. "Everyone's coming! Go upstairs and take a shower, Sik! You look horrible!" ㅡ those were your words. And, in fact, yes, I looked worse than horrible. ( _Thank you for waiting for me to prepare for the party, even though that meant we ended up being late._ )

Did you know that our favourite coffee shop next to the library we used to frequent closed? I was driving when I noticed it, and I had to stop the car to continue writing this this asap. I am so sad, hyung. That coffee shop was everything we could've asked for! God, I miss being there with you. We called it "coffee dates  
after studying", even though it wasn't a date. ( _or was it?_ )

We always entered the shop and asked for our favorite coffee ( _yours was caramel macciato, because you said everything needed a little bit of sugar in it. Maybe you needed some sugar, too. Or were you the sugar everyone needed?_ ), sit on our table next to the window and just closed our eyes, listening to the soft music coming out of nowhere. Some days we would stare at each other's faces without saying anything, without context ㅡ we weren't uncomfortable, not at all. It was peaceful. Other times we would change tables because someone was already sitting in ours ( _who were them to do so?_ ) and took seats in the sofas there. We always ended up falling asleep, and the owners didn't even bother to wake us up ㅡ they loved us. I will miss that place as much as I'm missing you right now. ( _maybe I'll miss you a little bit more._ )

One friday night we went to see a play together. You got two tickets for you and your mom, but she couldn't go last minute so you called me in a rush. " _We will leave in half an hour. Pretty please, Sik?_ ", you said. For everyone's surprise, I agreed. 

The play wasn't really the best, after all. We spent five minutes talking good things about it (trying to ㅡ It was the most boring play I've ever seen. I'm sorry), but we ended up laughing and saying the truth. We knew what each other thought ㅡ we couldn't keep secrets to each other, and we were conscious. We knew it beforehand, but we still tried to fake that we loved the play.

There was a moment ㅡ a tiny second, where neither you or me spoke a word. We just looked at each other, and little by little, your laugh started to fullfill my ears, and the brightness of your smile eclipsed every surrounding. I laughed too, and that's the time when we made public that we hated the play. Then you kept talking about it all dinner, and also later that night. We created a habit of staying some hours together, in the middle of the night. Just the weekends ㅡ maybe some fridays, depending on the week. And it was one of those nights.

We ended up in a kid's playground, sitting on the floor, your back leaning on mine. Sometimes our heads would collide while we were talking, but it didn't matter.

You told me that the _moon_ was beautiful that night, and somehow I can't forget that small detail. I think I liked the fact that you were willing to share your thoughts with me. Even as small as thinking about the moon ㅡ I was, and still am, thankful for it.

I think I should start writing dates on this letter. I started writing it days ago, and I keep adding memories in a nonstop. Today is 4th of April.

One of those nights, you had the idea of going to a nightclub together. At first I was shocked, and then you showed me that beautiful smile of yours. You joked, telling me that you wouldn't do anything bad around me. Following that, a little laugh. God, I remember your laughs as if you were right next to me, telling some funny joke. ( _I miss those so, so hard._ )

So we went to a nightclub. The first thing you did? You ordered a chocolate milkshake. A fucking chocolate milkshake, at 2 a.m, on a nightclub. ( _I still can't believe you've done it, honestly. You were hilarious in your own way, hyung._ ) 

Other thing I'll never forget was the face of the bartender. ( _I want to go there now and see if he's still working there. If he is, I'll order a chocolate milkshake. Just for you, Seungwoo._ ) He was tall, had lots of piercings and a tattoo on his neck. And he still raised both of his eyebrows, not believing you, hyung. He looked so confused, and I couldn't stop my laughing. ( _why didn't you tell me you were going to do that? I could've helped to stop my laughter, but I was as surprised as him._ )

That night went as usual, us talking about random stuff. Just with the fact that we were in a nightclub.

April 6th.

We ended up frequenting that nightclub. Every saturday, we met there, ordering a chocolate milkshake.

But one night, you asked for another drink ㅡ it was alcoholic, but I forgot its name. I don't have very clear memories of that exact night, though. I was shocked, I must admit. I never saw you drinking alcohol, and it was quite an experience. You told me that everything was alright, that you could handle a couple of drinks.

Turns out, you _didn't._

You insisted on dancing with me, and we headed to the dance floor. ( _you grabbed my wrist and insisted, and I walked there like a zombie. That's more fair to say._ ) Your dance was beautiful; your body had the power to enhance every movement your mind thought of ㅡ you could've let anyone stunned. And, well, you did leave _me_ stunned. Your hair was perfectly styled to the back, letting everyone see your forehead and perfectly shaped eyebrows. Your eyes were telling me billions of stories, asking me questions I've never heard before and your lips were singing along the music playing on the background. You looked _happy._

You turned towards me at one point, letting me see a big smile which got into your eyes. You were shining in that dark nightclub, all by your own. 

And I think it was the first time I realised that I _fell in love with you, Seungwoo._

I know for sure that if anyone looked at you in that exact moment, they could've fallen in love, too.

You had that aura. You were _special,_ hyung. Not just to me.

April 7th.

The next Saturday, we met in the nightclub, as always. ( _none of our friends knew about it, by the way. It was like a little secret between us, which I kind of loved._ )

That time, the one who ordered alcohol was me. Your eyes looking at me when I asked for a drink deserved to be captured in a picture or painting ㅡ I couldn't stop laughing. " _You're a kid, Sik! Do you even know what's a drink?_ ", that's what you told me. I brushed it off, slightly nodding. And you couldn't let your laughter stop from filling the space.

It was beautiful. Your laugh. Your smile. Your eyes when the smile reached them. Your cheeks, full of happiness. ( _maybe you were the one beautiful. Who knows._ )

We stayed in the bar that night, but barely talking. We spent almost all of the night sitting next to each other, looking at the people come and go. And it was relaxing. I had time to think, time to spend with myself and my thoughts without feeling alone because _you_ were right next to me. Thank you for that.

I remember you asking me if I liked boys. You confessed that one of your _special abilities"_ was reading people. And then you laughed, looked up to the neon lights and said, " _Guess you're not a book I can read as I please,_ " you paused for a moment, and continued, " _I think you're more of a... saying? You already know it, but you never... acknowledge its meaning until you go through it._ "

I think you were proud of the comparison. I just laughed at it, looked back at you and answered, as politely as I could, " _weren't you asking if I liked boys, Hyung?_ "

" _Do you?_ "

I shrugged. " _Guess you'll have to keep asking._ "

You offered me a smile, and turned again your head to look at the dance floor.

April 10th.

You kept asking me that question every damn time we met in the night club. With different forms, obviously. " _... So does that mean you're a het?" "how did your parents react when you came out?" "I think I see from here the girl you were with when we met..._ "

Those were subtle, kind of. It became an inside joke between us, and I remember it perfectly. I never told you that I liked boys, nor that I fell in love with the person who kept asking me. ( _Did you like boys, hyung? was I your type?_ )

One day, Hanse came up in class saying that we should spend the first days of summer together. Rent a house at the beach, or something like that. We all agreed.

April 22th.

I don't know how we always archived it, but we ended up walking by the beach, all alone. We always ended up being alone at night, just the two of us. Of course, I would _die_ if I said I didn't like it. I loved spending time with you.

But that night felt _different._ We were walking slowly, the moon above us and the water almost touching our bare feet. The sand was cold, and I don't know about you, but my heart felt so, so _warm_ that I didn't care about it.

" _Wanna run a little bit? See who goes further away?_ " You asked, but didn't look at me at all. I smiled, and started running as an answer.

We both were tall, but your legs were longer than mine. And, well, you were more athletic than me, hyung. I ran until my lungs screamed for help and oxygen, and then I looked up. You were looking at me from far away, head tilted and even though it was too dark, I'm sure you were smiling.

" _Seungsik-ah!_ "

_Oh._

Your _voice,_ your damn _voice._ I forgot it was that beautiful when you called my name. I think I will never forget how you called, how you treated, how you walked towards me. How you behaved towards me, how you showed me your most beautiful smile. I think I just wanted to sink in those feelings, keep them in a jar and open it whenever i felt like doing so. ( _which could be always._ )

So I started to run towards you, again. Wanting to reach you, physically and metaphorically. And you stood there, waiting for me to get there.

And when I did, I jumped into you. I don't know why I did ㅡ I just felt like doing so. We ended up in the sand, laughing as if the stars needed to hear us to keep theit life track. And I never felt more _alive._

After some minutes, the sound or our laughter was all gone and we were lying down next to each other, looking at the moon. Our hands were almost touching, and both of our chests were moving fast, trying to recover from all the lost oxygen.

" _The moon is beautiful, isn't it?_ " You asked me again, just like that other night on the playground.

"Just like you;" I wanted to say. Instead, I ended up agreeing and adding that Venus was right next to it. 

You asked me where it was, and so I took your hand and pointed at it. " _Right next to the moon, hyung. The brightest one._ "

Your lips left a single _oh,_ in the air, and I softly smiled. I left our hands in the sand again, but left mine on top of yours. You didn't say or do anything, and my heart felt like it had just skipped a beat. ( _It is right now, while I write this._ )

It was beautiful, hyung. One of the best memories I've ever had, and I'll always have. That was the second time I realized I fell in _love_ with you and your smile, maybe with the stars dancing in your eyes. Who knew. 

Then you told me you were going back to Daegu. Your school year finished, and you had to go back to your hometown.

How do people often say this? Smiled through the pain? Well, I did something like that. Nodded, thought that we could keep contact though phone. It didn't hurt me at all. ( _Yes, it did. Wasn't your fault, though._ )

" _We should plan a holiday together. A trip to somewhere. Maybe we could go to Japan some day. Visit cool cities. Europe seems like fun, too._ " You said, trying to dissolve the tension in the air.

I looked at you, and I knew what _losing_ your home felt like. It felt like looking at you when you said you were going back. 

I felt _numb._

I nodded again, and we decided to go back with the rest of our friends. But the moment I stoop up, you _embraced_ me with your arms. So, so close and warm ㅡ it felt like dancing with the stars. As if the moon you talked about was right between us, giving me the hope I needed. As if I've found home _again._ And even nowadays, I'm sticking to that feeling. You have now idea how hard it hit, hyung.

We stood like that for what it felt hours, until you finally talked.

" _I'm going to miss you every Saturday night, Seungsik-ah._ "

I fought back my tears. " _Me too, hyung. Me too._ "

Three years later, no news from you. Chan came home in the middle of the night, and told me you had a car accident a week ago and that you were in _coma_. I don't know why I started writing this thing ㅡ thought I'd forget it if I kept it all in my head. Thought that maybe writing this would bring you back, that it will... keep you alive. Maybe going to see you and reading it out loud makes you wake up. I don't know, hyung. I just wish that the vacations we had wasn't the last time we're gonna see each other. 

Please, tell me it wasn't our first and _last_ hug. 

Show me how you _sing._

Make me stop studying to go to a party, hyung. 

Let's go to a coffee shop _together_ again. 

I'll book two tickets to see a play, Seungwoo. Just for _you_ and me. 

Ask me if I like boys, I'll answer this time. 

Ask me for a _chocolate milkshake_ at 2am. 

_Tell me that the moon looks beautiful and I'll show you where venus is, please._

Please, Seungwoo.

_Please._

Seungsik."

**Author's Note:**

> wow this is ????? the first time I'm writing something here I can't actually believe I did vrbvubvebvuei sorry .  
> I hope you liked the story - it was inspired in a twitter thread and I couldn't resist anymore. Also, quarantine heps because there's literally nothing to do. 
> 
> AnyWAYS, hope you liked to read ir as much as I enjoyed writing.


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